The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
