??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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