HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
