All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
