im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
