i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize