so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
