he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
