apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
