Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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