can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
