you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Never joke about your clitoris.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
