If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
