just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
