you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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