i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
