im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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