It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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