I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just blew my weed a kiss
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
