I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
