after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
