at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Someone signed my nipple.
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