Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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