You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
