I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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