yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
