for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Congratulations! We have a period
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