I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
