Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
