i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
