yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
only you would photoshop your dick
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
