Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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