my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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