Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
