I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Your penis caused this!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
