Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Randomize
