So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
