I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
