When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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