he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
