That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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