i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
