Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize