We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
We're too hungover to prance.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
