I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
well you can't waste a boner
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My legs feel like baby dolphins
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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