she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize