yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
