puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
