ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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