The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
