Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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