My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
They are going to name an STD after you.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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