Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
