My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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