Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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