Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I believe in your delicious
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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