I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
