I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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