tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
