I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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