I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
