I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
