He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
