OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
i think my cat just said my name.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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