oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
