i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
